FREE TACO AND SO MUCH MORE!

We’re excited to announce that once again we’re participating in the Dine Out for No Kid Hungry; a campaign dedicated to helping end childhood hunger in America. Here’s how it works: When you donate a dollar or more at any Cal Tort between Monday, September 19 and Saturday, September 24, we’ll give you a coupon for a FREE TACO on your next visit. Each dollar you donate will provide 10 meals for a hungry child. Yes, 10 meals!

So please join us from 9/19-9/24 and help us fight childhood hunger. It’s a great, yet really simple way to get involved.

*Please note that this year, unlike last year, we’re hoping to help end childhood hunger instead of childhood in general. It sounds crazy, I know.

LAST CHANCE!

The fabulous Bangkok Shrimp specials are going away this month, so get ‘em while you can.

SPEAKING OF HELPING…

As many of you know, we just celebrated our 16th birthday. And because we’re all about giving (me in particular), we thought we’d take a few moments of your time and share with you just a few of the very important lessons that we’ve learned over the years—just in case you’re thinking of opening a business yourself one day. Ready?

VALUABLE CAL TORT LESSONS LEARNED

• OUCH! That grill is hot!
• Never order 500,000 wax lips.
• No matter how many different mascots you buy, they’ll all be too hot for any human to ever wear and they’ll get dirty just by looking at them.
• If one of the biggest earthquakes in a century occurs, people will continue eating.
• If one of the biggest hurricanes in a century occurs, people will stop eating. (You people make disaster planning very difficult.)
• A customer will go to great lengths to be removed from your email list, including filing a police report. (Okay, maybe that’s just particular to my email list. But seriously, how scary am I that he had to get the police involved?)
• Your franchise lawyer is very picky about what you can say in your newsletter.
• Having a promotion that entails customers throwing a ball into a hoop that’s behind the cashier’s head isn’t nearly as good an idea as it sounds. (Where was our franchise lawyer that day?)
• If you have a focus group, no one will focus; they’ll just talk about their pets.
• If you talk to the food delivery guy, he will think you like him.

So there you have it folks—valuable insights that I think we can all agree can be applied to any business. And I’ve got plenty more where those came from, so just ask.

AND FINALLY…

The winner of this month’s Cal Tort-catered party is Ned Ferris, a member of the University of Delaware’s Delta Tau Delta. And Ned, nice guy that he is, used his catering party to cater a burrito party for the “unbelievably nice kids” of the Greater Newark Boys and Girls Club. He and several of his fraternity brothers volunteer for the Greater Newark Boys and Girls Club, an incredible program that helps low income kids.

So congratulations, Ned. You have no idea how thrilled we are to make you this month’s contest winner—and how impressed we are with how thoughtful you guys are. And congratulations kids for being so darn cute! It’s not as easy as it looks. I know of what I speak.

Aforementioned nice, cute kids.

On that note, I hope you have a disaster-free Labor Day!

FREE TACO TOMORROW!

We’ve got 2 ways to get a free taco tomorrow, Wednesday, August 3rd: Either say the secret password “SHARK” to the spunky cashier OR wear your unbelievably popular (to put it mildly) Discovery Channel shark fin hat from last week’s promotion and you’ll get a FREE TACO with any purchase. It’s just that simple. And fashionable.

*Shark Week is happening as we speak on the Discovery Channel. To learn more about Shark Week, visit www.sharkweek.com.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO US

On August 4th we’re celebrating our 16th birthday–can you believe it? (President Obama’s birthday is also August 4th. Do you think he runs around yelling Yee-ha! on his birthday like we do?)

Anyway, because I know you’re dying to know, I thought I’d give you a highlight from each of the past 16 years. (Pretend that doesn’t sound too long and boring.)

Here goes…

1995: The first California Tortilla opens in Bethesda, MD. Our first newspaper review says “You’d have to be an idiot to open a restaurant in Bethesda.” Apparently the reviewer has met us.

1996: The Monday Night Mystery Burrito Wheel debuts. Customers love the discounts but are slightly frightened by the disco ball.

1997: We get labels made for the burritos; parties of 2 or more no longer have to bite each one to see what it is.

1998: We have a hot sauce naming contest and 12 year old Josh wins with “California Screamin’.” Josh couldn’t care less.

1999: We get our first email address. We can’t wait to find out what an email is.

2000: We host our first Doggy Yappy Hour on our patio. At one point 50% of the dogs have thrown up.

2001: We spend thousands renovating the restaurant. Everyone asks if I got my hair cut.

2002: We add coffee to the menu. Nobody buys it but our employees start working really fast.

2003: We feature a “Mystery Burrito” as our monthly special. We won’t say what’s in it and we black out the cooking line with construction paper. It flies off the shelves. We consider blacking out the entire menu.

2004: We receive a cease-and-desist letter saying we must immediately stop using the slogan “Cal Tort: Burritos as Big As Your Head.” We desperately search for other body parts to compare ourselves to.

2005: We have a Tort slogan contest (see above). And although we don’t end up picking a winner, my personal favorite is, “Cal Tort: Friendlier than grandma with less ass pinching.” I like it because this person seems to have such an interesting grandmother.

2006: Nicole Kidman uses the bathroom at the Cleveland Park California Tortilla. Who knew?

2007: We do a “Scratch Off Card” promotion. We buy approximately 14 billion too many scratch offs. All of which expire in a week.

2008: We launch the Burrito Elito card. We give away millions of dollars in Burrito Bucks in a very short time. We did not see that coming.

2009: We retire our mascot “Chippy” because everyone thinks he’s a piece of pizza.

2010: We add fish tacos and carnitas to our menu. The crowds (and chickens) go wild.

2011: We’re slated to open our 40th Cal Tort sometime this year. We’re hellbent on making sure that you’re never more than a block away from a spunky cashier.

Thanks for making it such a spectacular 16 years! (And for all you regular readers of Taco Talk, do you have any idea how happy I am that I got to use the line about the Yappy Hour dogs again?)

AND FINALLY…

This month’s winner of a party catered by California Tortilla is the Utility Maintenance Division Crew of Leesburg, VA. Carol Nylander submitted a loving/very descriptive poem of what these guys do (which should make us all very appreciative of maintenance crews) and even better, the picture below. And while we loved the poem, I think the fact that they have someone on the maintenance crew who calls himself “Mr. Fun” is really what tipped the scales in their favor. (Do you think Mrs. Fun’s on board with that moniker?)

Congratulations you guys—if anyone deserves a Cal Tort party it’s you!

If you’d like to party like the Utility Maintenance Division Crew of Leesburg, just call1 855-CALTORT (1-855-225-8678). Cal Tort catering experts are standing by with hard hats on.

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Cal Tort By the Numbers

Because I’m much too busy to write full sentences, I’ve composed a handy list of important numerical Cal Tort facts for you. Ready?

33,342,000: Number of chip bags that we’ve gone through since we opened, all with my picture on them.

0: Number of people who’ve noticed that I’m no longer on the chip bag. Although I’m sure the guy who used to tell me every couple of hours that we should really get a “younger, more attractive woman” on the chip bags will be thrilled when he finds out. (Do you think there’s any way he didn’t realize I was the older, less attractive woman on the chip bag?)

1: Number of phone numbers that we advertise as our catering hotline. (1-855-CALTORT)

2: Number of catering hot lines that we actually have. The above and 1-855-CALTROT. (Guess which one was a nonrefundable mistake–and would be really great if we specialized in pony parties?)

4: Number of fabulously darn tasty specials we do a year. Have you tried the Bangkok Shrimp special? Oh so good.

52: Number of specials that we used to do a year until we realized that there aren’t that many “fabulously darn tasty” burrito specials. (Hence 1997′s Creamy Apple Walnut Burrito. Seriously.)

132,412: Number of people who subscribe to Taco Talk.

132,412: Number of people who skim it looking for the word “free.” Don’t think I don’t know.

One of the aforementioned “oh so good”

Bangkok Shrimp specials.

Playing at a Cal Tort/Trot near you

SPEAKING OF FABULOUS AND FREE

(your skimming has paid off)

In celebration of Discovery Channel’s Shark Week, California Tortilla is giving a FREE Discovery Channel Shark Fin Hat to anyone who purchases a fish taco on Thursday, July 28th. And I’m telling you, these are the greatest hats ever–I’m wearing it to the next royal wedding I’m invited to.

And please save the hat! If you wear it in-store on Wednesday, August 3rd (as if you won’t be wearing it every day until then) you’ll get a FREE TACO with any purchase.

See you on the 28th…

*Shark Week starts Sunday, July 31st at 9pm on the Discovery Channel, but you can wear your hat anytime.

*One fabulous shark fin hat per person

AND THE WINNER IS…

This month’s catering contest winner is recent high school grad Susan Casillo. Susan wrote us a great poem about how she’d love to win a catering party for her high school graduation party. We loved the poem and we loved catering for MaST Community Charter School in Philadelphia. Congrats to all the spunky grads and good luck!

My favorite excerpt from the poem:

My Mom would be so proud; my friends would be very glad, if CalTort would fulfill the wildest dreams of a dramatic, forthcoming grad!

I like that her wildest dreams have been fulfilled with a Cal Tort catering party. Who knew? If you’d like your wildest dreams fulfilled (okay, only the California Tortilla catering ones) call us at 1-855-CALTORT. Or 1-855-CALTROT. Your choice.

AND FINALLY…

Don’t forget! If you make a catering order for $200 or more through the Cal Tort catering hot line and say the secret password “relax,” you’ll get a FREE hour massage from Massage Envy. While supplies last, so hurry!

To place your massage-receiving catering order, just call 1-855-225-8768. (1-855-CALTORT).

To find a Massage Envy location near you, click here.

Follow us on Twitter @caltort and be our Fan on Facebook www.facebook.com/caltort

IT’S SWIMSUIT SEASON!

And why am I telling you this, other than to depress you?  I’m telling you this because many of our customers have told us that because they’re able to customize their meals at Cal Tort, they’ve lost a lot of weight while eating here—and thus are bathing suit-ready. (The last time I was bathing suit-ready I was 6.)

And while doing things such as ordering their burrito in a bowl instead of a tortilla, asking for “light” cheese on their salad or holding the sour cream on their quesadilla are some of the ways our customers have been losing weight, I’ve come up with some helpful ways that you might not have even considered. Ready?

CAL TORT WEIGHT LOSS TIPS

• Instead of eating your burrito, put it in your pocket. (But you won’t lose weight until you take your pants off.)
• Run around the block while eating your burrito.
• Eat half your Cal Tort meal and then throw the rest at passersby. (This is straight from the monkey weight loss handbook.)
• Pick your own lettuce for your Cal Tort salad—but don’t forget to get it approved by the FDA first.
• Freeze your burrito and lick it until it’s gone. This is especially effective if you have an overweight tongue.
• Instead of using your Burrito Bucks for food, use them for a tummy tuck. (You didn’t even know that was an option, did you?)

There you have it, folks – tried and true California Tortilla weight loss tips. If you have a Cal Tort weight loss story of your own, please let us know. And congratulations!

Speaking of Swimming

Check out our fabulous new Bangkok Shrimp Specials. They’re all amazingly tasty. Stop reading and try one. GO!

Meet Contest Winner…

Karen Garner!  That’s right – Karen entered our catering contest and won a California Tortilla catering party for 100 people. How did she do it? By writing us an incredibly sweet letter asking for a catered party not for herself, but for the Stepping Stones Homeless Shelter. Because while she’s not affiliated in any way with Stepping Stones, she wanted to win it “so that people less fortunate can reap the benefits of something nice.” Tell me that’s not a giving person.

So congratulations to Karen for being so caring, to Stepping Stones for being such a great organization, and to Karen’s parents for raising such a good kid. (For all I know Karen’s 97.) We’re thrilled we can help out, Karen.

AND FINALLY…

Don’t forget! If you make a catering order for $200 or more through the Cal Tort catering hot line and say the secret password “relax,” you’ll get a FREE hour massage from Massage Envy.

To place your massage-receiving catering order, just call 1-855-225-8768. (1-855-CALTORT).

To find one of 24 Baltimore/Washington area Massage Envy locations near you, click here.

On that relaxing note, have a festive Father’s Day!

MORE CINCO DE MAYO EXCITEMENT

If you go to any California Tortilla this Thursday, May 5th and say the secret password “Cinco de Mayo” to the spunky cashier, he or she will give you a FREE TACO coupon that’s good on your next visit.* Woo-hoo!

See you on Thursday…

*Next visit must be within 2 weeks—after 2 weeks the coupons self destruct. We’re a Mexican restaurant and a dangerous high school science experiment all rolled into one.

WE’VE GOT A WINNER! And then some.

As you may remember, last month we promised to give a catering party for up to 100 people to the person who came up with the best submission regarding what they’d do with a Cal Tort catering party (other than eat it). And the plan all along was to just give one party, but some of the submissions were so heartwarming and so funny that we gave out several catering parties—it was just too darn hard to choose.

With that said, over the next few months I’ll be telling you a little about each winner. And the first one I’d like to introduce you to is China Bay Smith (who I’m quite sure made her name up). China Bay has been a customer for the past 10 years and felt compelled to make a submission because not only is she a huge California Tortilla fan, she also “loves projects!” (China Bay might be a little bit off her rocker now that I think about it.)

Seriously, I absolutely loved China Bay’s submission and if you click here, you’ll see for yourself why we’ve chosen China Bay as the first winner of our Cal Tort Catering Contest.

Congratulations China Bay!

Xoxo,

Trixie Labamba (two can play this game)

WOW!

In a California Tortilla first, starting May 9th we’re adding shrimp dishes to our menu for a limited time. We’ve got a Bangkok Shrimp Bowl, a Bangkok Shrimp Quesadilla, Bangkok Shrimp Tacos–and we’re spicing them all up with a sweet red chili sauce and so much more. Just look at how good this bowl looks…

When we say “Relax, We’ve Got Your Catering Covered” we really mean it.

That’s right—if you make a catering order for $200 or more through the Cal Tort catering hot line after May 6th and say the secret password “relax,” you’ll get a FREE hour massage from Massage Envy. (Well, a coupon for a free hour – they won’t actually give you a massage while you place the order. That would be weird.)

To place your massage-receiving catering order, just call 1-855-225-8678. And c’mon—tell me this isn’t a great tie in! (I can say that. I didn’t come up with it.)

*To find one of 24 Baltimore/Washington area Massage Envy locations near you, click here.

AND FINALLY…

As I wrote this the royal wedding list came out and I think you should know that if I had married Prince William (because I’m so appealing to guys in their 20′s), I would have had a much different guest list. My guest list would include…

• My husband. It’s the least I can do.
• Princess Fergie. Now she seems like a lot of fun.
• The President of the United States. (Seriously. They invited 1900 people—what’s two more?)
• All you faithful Taco Talk readers. It’s finally paying off! (It took a long time though, didn’t it?)
• Spiderman. Why not?
• The Super Nanny. Hopefully she’ll repay the favor by whipping my children into shape. (“Now kiss your Mum and tell her you’ll do your own laundry for the rest of your life even though you’re only 3.”)

On that note, have a fabulous laundry-free Mother’s Day! (It should be laundry-free for mothers—not anyone else.)

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