Cal Tort By the Numbers

Because I’m much too busy to write full sentences, I’ve composed a handy list of important numerical Cal Tort facts for you. Ready?

33,342,000: Number of chip bags that we’ve gone through since we opened, all with my picture on them.

0: Number of people who’ve noticed that I’m no longer on the chip bag. Although I’m sure the guy who used to tell me every couple of hours that we should really get a “younger, more attractive woman” on the chip bags will be thrilled when he finds out. (Do you think there’s any way he didn’t realize I was the older, less attractive woman on the chip bag?)

1: Number of phone numbers that we advertise as our catering hotline. (1-855-CALTORT)

2: Number of catering hot lines that we actually have. The above and 1-855-CALTROT. (Guess which one was a nonrefundable mistake–and would be really great if we specialized in pony parties?)

4: Number of fabulously darn tasty specials we do a year. Have you tried the Bangkok Shrimp special? Oh so good.

52: Number of specials that we used to do a year until we realized that there aren’t that many “fabulously darn tasty” burrito specials. (Hence 1997′s Creamy Apple Walnut Burrito. Seriously.)

132,412: Number of people who subscribe to Taco Talk.

132,412: Number of people who skim it looking for the word “free.” Don’t think I don’t know.

One of the aforementioned “oh so good”

Bangkok Shrimp specials.

Playing at a Cal Tort/Trot near you

SPEAKING OF FABULOUS AND FREE

(your skimming has paid off)

In celebration of Discovery Channel’s Shark Week, California Tortilla is giving a FREE Discovery Channel Shark Fin Hat to anyone who purchases a fish taco on Thursday, July 28th. And I’m telling you, these are the greatest hats ever–I’m wearing it to the next royal wedding I’m invited to.

And please save the hat! If you wear it in-store on Wednesday, August 3rd (as if you won’t be wearing it every day until then) you’ll get a FREE TACO with any purchase.

See you on the 28th…

*Shark Week starts Sunday, July 31st at 9pm on the Discovery Channel, but you can wear your hat anytime.

*One fabulous shark fin hat per person

AND THE WINNER IS…

This month’s catering contest winner is recent high school grad Susan Casillo. Susan wrote us a great poem about how she’d love to win a catering party for her high school graduation party. We loved the poem and we loved catering for MaST Community Charter School in Philadelphia. Congrats to all the spunky grads and good luck!

My favorite excerpt from the poem:

My Mom would be so proud; my friends would be very glad, if CalTort would fulfill the wildest dreams of a dramatic, forthcoming grad!

I like that her wildest dreams have been fulfilled with a Cal Tort catering party. Who knew? If you’d like your wildest dreams fulfilled (okay, only the California Tortilla catering ones) call us at 1-855-CALTORT. Or 1-855-CALTROT. Your choice.

AND FINALLY…

Don’t forget! If you make a catering order for $200 or more through the Cal Tort catering hot line and say the secret password “relax,” you’ll get a FREE hour massage from Massage Envy. While supplies last, so hurry!

To place your massage-receiving catering order, just call 1-855-225-8768. (1-855-CALTORT).

To find a Massage Envy location near you, click here.

Follow us on Twitter @caltort and be our Fan on Facebook www.facebook.com/caltort

IT’S SWIMSUIT SEASON!

And why am I telling you this, other than to depress you?  I’m telling you this because many of our customers have told us that because they’re able to customize their meals at Cal Tort, they’ve lost a lot of weight while eating here—and thus are bathing suit-ready. (The last time I was bathing suit-ready I was 6.)

And while doing things such as ordering their burrito in a bowl instead of a tortilla, asking for “light” cheese on their salad or holding the sour cream on their quesadilla are some of the ways our customers have been losing weight, I’ve come up with some helpful ways that you might not have even considered. Ready?

CAL TORT WEIGHT LOSS TIPS

• Instead of eating your burrito, put it in your pocket. (But you won’t lose weight until you take your pants off.)
• Run around the block while eating your burrito.
• Eat half your Cal Tort meal and then throw the rest at passersby. (This is straight from the monkey weight loss handbook.)
• Pick your own lettuce for your Cal Tort salad—but don’t forget to get it approved by the FDA first.
• Freeze your burrito and lick it until it’s gone. This is especially effective if you have an overweight tongue.
• Instead of using your Burrito Bucks for food, use them for a tummy tuck. (You didn’t even know that was an option, did you?)

There you have it, folks – tried and true California Tortilla weight loss tips. If you have a Cal Tort weight loss story of your own, please let us know. And congratulations!

Speaking of Swimming

Check out our fabulous new Bangkok Shrimp Specials. They’re all amazingly tasty. Stop reading and try one. GO!

Meet Contest Winner…

Karen Garner!  That’s right – Karen entered our catering contest and won a California Tortilla catering party for 100 people. How did she do it? By writing us an incredibly sweet letter asking for a catered party not for herself, but for the Stepping Stones Homeless Shelter. Because while she’s not affiliated in any way with Stepping Stones, she wanted to win it “so that people less fortunate can reap the benefits of something nice.” Tell me that’s not a giving person.

So congratulations to Karen for being so caring, to Stepping Stones for being such a great organization, and to Karen’s parents for raising such a good kid. (For all I know Karen’s 97.) We’re thrilled we can help out, Karen.

AND FINALLY…

Don’t forget! If you make a catering order for $200 or more through the Cal Tort catering hot line and say the secret password “relax,” you’ll get a FREE hour massage from Massage Envy.

To place your massage-receiving catering order, just call 1-855-225-8768. (1-855-CALTORT).

To find one of 24 Baltimore/Washington area Massage Envy locations near you, click here.

On that relaxing note, have a festive Father’s Day!

MORE CINCO DE MAYO EXCITEMENT

If you go to any California Tortilla this Thursday, May 5th and say the secret password “Cinco de Mayo” to the spunky cashier, he or she will give you a FREE TACO coupon that’s good on your next visit.* Woo-hoo!

See you on Thursday…

*Next visit must be within 2 weeks—after 2 weeks the coupons self destruct. We’re a Mexican restaurant and a dangerous high school science experiment all rolled into one.

WE’VE GOT A WINNER! And then some.

As you may remember, last month we promised to give a catering party for up to 100 people to the person who came up with the best submission regarding what they’d do with a Cal Tort catering party (other than eat it). And the plan all along was to just give one party, but some of the submissions were so heartwarming and so funny that we gave out several catering parties—it was just too darn hard to choose.

With that said, over the next few months I’ll be telling you a little about each winner. And the first one I’d like to introduce you to is China Bay Smith (who I’m quite sure made her name up). China Bay has been a customer for the past 10 years and felt compelled to make a submission because not only is she a huge California Tortilla fan, she also “loves projects!” (China Bay might be a little bit off her rocker now that I think about it.)

Seriously, I absolutely loved China Bay’s submission and if you click here, you’ll see for yourself why we’ve chosen China Bay as the first winner of our Cal Tort Catering Contest.

Congratulations China Bay!

Xoxo,

Trixie Labamba (two can play this game)

WOW!

In a California Tortilla first, starting May 9th we’re adding shrimp dishes to our menu for a limited time. We’ve got a Bangkok Shrimp Bowl, a Bangkok Shrimp Quesadilla, Bangkok Shrimp Tacos–and we’re spicing them all up with a sweet red chili sauce and so much more. Just look at how good this bowl looks…

When we say “Relax, We’ve Got Your Catering Covered” we really mean it.

That’s right—if you make a catering order for $200 or more through the Cal Tort catering hot line after May 6th and say the secret password “relax,” you’ll get a FREE hour massage from Massage Envy. (Well, a coupon for a free hour – they won’t actually give you a massage while you place the order. That would be weird.)

To place your massage-receiving catering order, just call 1-855-225-8678. And c’mon—tell me this isn’t a great tie in! (I can say that. I didn’t come up with it.)

*To find one of 24 Baltimore/Washington area Massage Envy locations near you, click here.

AND FINALLY…

As I wrote this the royal wedding list came out and I think you should know that if I had married Prince William (because I’m so appealing to guys in their 20′s), I would have had a much different guest list. My guest list would include…

• My husband. It’s the least I can do.
• Princess Fergie. Now she seems like a lot of fun.
• The President of the United States. (Seriously. They invited 1900 people—what’s two more?)
• All you faithful Taco Talk readers. It’s finally paying off! (It took a long time though, didn’t it?)
• Spiderman. Why not?
• The Super Nanny. Hopefully she’ll repay the favor by whipping my children into shape. (“Now kiss your Mum and tell her you’ll do your own laundry for the rest of your life even though you’re only 3.”)

On that note, have a fabulous laundry-free Mother’s Day! (It should be laundry-free for mothers—not anyone else.)

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ARE YOU A CAL TORT JUNKIE?

Over the years some of you have expressed a concern that you might be becoming addicted to our food, but you’re just not sure: is it an experimental phase or is it time to seek help? Well, let’s find out! Just take this helpful little test I’ve devised and in just moments from now you’ll know. Ready?

YOU MIGHT BE A CAL TORT JUNKIE IF YOU’VE EVER…

• Had your mother Fedex you a burrito anywhere.

• Saved old Taco Talks just in case they’re worth something some day. (My tragic and untimely death would help this considerably.)

• Written us a postcard from Mexico complaining about the food. (Or actually, just written us a postcard in general.)

• Argued with your spouse over who gets the Burrito Elito points.

• Cried because we weren’t open.

• Planned your vacation around Pop Tart Day. (Which I think is very normal behavior, by the way.)

• Asked if we were open on Thanksgiving.

• Considered applying as a spunky anything.

If you answered yes to any of these questions (and trust me, these are all true life examples), you’re a bona fide California Tortilla junkie. Congratulations!

MONDAY, APRIL 18 IS FREE CHIPS AND QUESO DAY!

That’s right—because you have to pay big cheese on Tax Day, we’re giving you free chips and cheese that day. Just make a purchase at any Cal Tort on Monday, April 18th and we’ll give you FREE Chips and Queso. (“Queso” is cheese in Spanish. Get it?) And if you’re not a cheese fan (how is that even possible?), we’ll be happy to give you Chips and Salsa instead

So come on in on the 18th and enjoy some free chips and cheese on us—it’s our little tax day present to you.

*This year Tax Day is April 18. I swear. (Can you imagine how much trouble I’d get in with our lawyer if it weren’t?)

CHECK THIS OUT…

Cinco De Mayo is right around the corner (May 5th for those of you playing along at home) and Cinco De Mayo 2010 was the biggest day in California Tortilla’s history! To celebrate (a year later) we’re rewarding one loyal fan with a FREE Cal Tort catering party for up to 100 people. If you’re the winner, we’ll provide food for any event you like — wedding, graduation, a really fabulous party on May 5th , etc

All you have to do is tell us between now and April 14th how you’ll use all of the tasty California Tortilla food. Make a video, sing a song, write a poem, compose an essay, put on a class play, build a diorama (says the elementary school diorama queen) — tell us any way you want. Just tell us the best way you know how. The winning submission will win a free Cal Tort catering party for up to 100 people. Submit your entry to spunky@californiatortilla.com or send it to: Cal Tort World HQ, 20 Courthouse Sq. Ste. 206, Rockville, MD 20852 between now and April 14th. Then from April 15th through April 30th we’ll have the public vote and pick the lucky winner.

 We can’t wait to see what you come up with. I think.

*Not feeling creative but you’d still like us to cater your next party? Call our catering number and get all the scoop. And look, I just happen to have the number on me: 1-855-225-8678 (I-855-CALTORT)

AND FINALLY…

April is the last month of the Korean BBQ Steak Tacos! You’ve got to try them. They’re SO good. (And can I say that if you haven’t tried them I’m a little upset you haven’t been listening to me?) Leave the office now and go get one. I don’t care what time it is. GO!

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FEBRUARY IS LOVE MONTH

And as I do every year at this time, I’d like to share with you my keen, completely biased observations on the differences between how men act when they’re in a Cal Tort and how women act when they’re in a Cal Tort. Ready?

Pam’s List of Completely Biased Cal Tort Gender Differences

• A woman will rarely beat on her chest and declare she’s king after finishing a second burrito.
• A man will wait to see how much he spills on himself before he decides if he needs a napkin.
• Women look at each other when they talk; men rarely do, lest someone think they know each other.
• If a man and woman come in the restaurant together, the man will insist on sitting in the seat with a clear view of the door, thus ensuring that he’s at peak readiness to defend himself from the mafia raids that so often take place at California Tortilla—and that they get to his girlfriend first.
• While on vacation, you’ll never hear a woman say, “Oh. I guess we forgot to pack my clothes.” (Wait—that’s from my personal list.)
• If a man uses the 1-855-CALTORT number to cater a party of 20, he’ll order for 100. If a woman calls the number to cater a party for 20, she’ll order for 20. This has a lot to do with the fact that women are normal.
• A woman will use her Burrito Bucks immediately; a man will let them accumulate indefinitely, just in case he needs them one day. (I’m not sure for what–to pay the mortgage?)

So there you have it–my completely biased list of gender differences. Please, if you have your own, send them over. I’ll give a free burrito for the best ones–and in just one short year, we’ll print them. Yee-ha! Email your differences to me at pfelix@californiatortilla.com.

I FEEL COMPELLED TO TELL YOU…

That the Korean BBQ Steak Tacos are my absolute favorite special that we’ve ever had. And you know I’m telling the truth because since we started franchising our lawyer won’t allow me to lie. Before that I used to lie all the time. (Not about our food mind you–just about things that made me look better. Do you really think I own the Improv?)

Seriously, I love the BBQ Korean Tacos and Burrito–you have to try them. Commands the queen. (I’m not really a queen. This just in.)

Delicious Korean BBQ Steak Taco Combo

BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU (pretend that’s not creepy)

Every time you use your registered Burrito Elito card in February, you have a chance at winning a fabulous prize that’s good on your next visit. Fabulous prizes include free burritos, free chips and queso, free tacos—even free burritos for a year. Both your spunky cashier and your receipt will let you know if you’ve won. (Your receipt will whisper it.)

So don’t wait—register that Burrito Elito card right now. February could be your lucky month! Click here to register.

*Fabulous prizes have a 2 week expiration date—except for the free burritos for a year. Because you would hate us if we made you eat 52 burritos in 14 days. For additional rules click here.

SPEAKING OF THE BIG GAME…

Why not have Cal Tort cater it? We’ve got the perfect football food: the world’s best chili, chips and delicious homemade guacamole, burritos shaped like footballs (kind of) – you name it. Plus, we’ll give you a $20 gift card when you call the catering number and order for a party of 20 or more for ANY event between now and February 7th. Just call 1-855-CALTORT (1-855-225-8678) and say the secret password “FOOTBALL.” Spunky Cal Tort catering specialists are standing by. With helmets on.

For darn tasty catering options click here.

AND FINALLY…