HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO US!

Can you believe that on August 4th it was 15 years ago that we opened the first California Tortilla? I can’t even tell you how much fun it’s been. And while we’ve been unbelievably happy with how it’s turned out, we often ask ourselves what we’d do differently if we had to do it over again. So after much thought and consideration, here are just a few of the things we might have done differently:

• We would have opened a puppy store. People rarely return their puppy because it has sour cream in it.
• Instead of California Tortilla, we would have called ourselves California Tortoise; slow service would be prized and we’d get to wear turtle costumes.
• We would have greatly increased our cupcake offerings. Who knew?
• We would have opened a business without employees. They’re expensive. And sassy. (“Yes, I am the boss of you.”)
• We would have worked much harder on our dance moves.
• Alan (the guy on the cup with me) and I would have gotten married. You have no idea how disappointed people are when they find out we’re just friends. (My grandmother still doesn’t know. Partly because she’s been dead 20 years.)
• We would have put less emphasis on making burritos and more emphasis on giving pony rides. Who doesn’t like a pony ride?

So there you have it, folks. Thank you from the bottom of our hearts for making it a fabulous 15 years

THE GREAT AMERICAN DINE OUT

All across the country restaurants are partnering with Share Our Strength to help end childhood hunger by 2015 and we’re absolutely thrilled to do anything we can to help achieve this goal.

With that said, if you go to California Tortilla between Monday, September 20th and Saturday, September 25th and purchase a swanky Cal Tort tshirt with the design below (chosen overwhelmingly by you—good job!) for only $5*, we’ll give you a FREE taco coupon that’s good on your next visit

But even better than that, all of the profits from your tshirt purchase will go to Share Our Strength, which will then distribute them to local hunger based organizations. Just think—the profits from your tshirt purchase will buy 3 meals a day for a child for 5 days. How great is that?

We hope to see you September 20th-25th! And as always, thanks so much in advance for your continued generosity—we can’t tell you how much we appreciate it. (If you’d like to know more about the Great American Dine Out, click here.)

*While supplies last.

WHO WON??

As someone who loves the word “monkey,” I’m very excited to tell you that the FunkMnkyz are the winners of the California Tortilla Battle To Break Out contest. (I haven’t met them, but I’m so hoping they’re spunky funk monkeys.) As their prize, FunkMnkyz will be opening on the main stage at the WHFstival on Saturday, September 18th at Merriweather Post. (Click here to check them out.)

So congratulations FunkMnkyz—we’re very happy for you! (Look—I got to say some variation of monkey 5 times in two minutes. How happy am I?)

FROM THE “It only happens to me” FILES…

Last Friday, a perfectly beautiful day, my sons and I were in the house and my son Jack asks me to go out to the car to get his stick (note to self: buy children toys). I run out to the car, get his stick, and run back in. As soon as I sit down, the house starts shaking out of control. I run back outside (do you get the sense I do a lot of running?) and find that the world’s biggest tree has fallen on my car and completely demolished it. I’m not kidding. I was this close to be squashed. (The more times I tell this story, the closer I am to being squashed. I’m sure in a couple of months I’ll be telling people I was in the car and the tree grazed my head.) Anyway, it was really pretty scary. But do you want to know what the most upsetting thing about it was? I had JUST filled up the gas tank. Do you have any idea how annoyed I am by that?

On that misplaced priorities note, I hope you have a great (and safe!) Labor Day weekend…

POP TART DAY IS BACK

Believe it or not, on Wednesday, August 18th, we’re celebrating our 16th annual Pop Tart Day. It’s my absolute favorite promotion that we do and if all goes as planned we’ll be giving away close to 20,000 Pop Tarts that day. (If all doesn’t go as planned we’ll be giving away 20,000 sausages.)

And as you all know, because you hang on my every word, there’s only one rule: You have to eat, and enjoy, the Pop Tart flavor you’re given—no licking it and then giving it back.

But that’s not all! Like last year, we’ve upped the Pop Tart Day ante. One very lucky customer from each California Tortilla will find a golden ticket in his or her Pop Tart pouch. The golden ticket will entitle the aforementioned lucky customer to a FREE BURRITO EVERY WEEK FOR A YEAR! Seriously, how much fun is that? And I swear, if you find it and you’re not really excited about it, we’re going to take it back. We have the technology.

See you on the 18th.

Unaware of their imminent demise, the Pop Tart family enjoys their last vacation.

WHO KNEW?

It’s recently come to our attention that many of you think that California Tortilla is a national chain that started in California (where you got that idea I have no idea). But it’s not true! We’re a small chain that’s based in Rockville, MD. So to set the record straight, I’ve come up with a helpful list that outlines how you know that California Tortilla is your friendly neighborhood Mexican restaurant pal and not some big corporate conglomerate. Ready?

HOW YOU KNOW CAL TORT’S NOT A BIG CORPORATE CONGLOMERATE

• Up until about a year ago all of our signs were printed on butcher paper.
• The Cal Tort World HQ takes breaks to go outside and do the Hokey Pokey. I’m not kidding. (I find that some of us are much more enthusiastic hokey pokiers than others.)
• Every Cal Tort owner lives in the community and works in his or her restaurant.
• Every Cal Tort employee wishes this weren’t the case.
• We have no motto. Big corporate conglomerates have a motto. (One of our competitor’s mottos is “Food with integrity.” I’m not even sure what that means–is there food out there that lies a lot?)
• Big corporate conglomerates do not have a Good Bob Bad Bob sign on their soda machine.*
• I make all our tortillas myself. (Cal Tort President Bob, or “fighter of fun” as we like to call him, wants me to make it clear that this is a joke. Because otherwise you would think that I made 4.8 million tortillas by myself last year.)

See–you learn something new every day.

*Good Bob Bad Bob is actually my college housemate. I once introduced him to Paula Poundstone and she asked where we met. When I told her in college she said, “Really? You don’t seem that smart.” How funny is that?

IT PAYS TO BE OUR FRIEND

It’s true! The Barenaked Ladies (4 guys, all clothed, with such hits as One Week, Brian Wilson, Pinch Me, and It’s All Been Done) is playing at Merriweather Post on Sunday, August 8th and if you’re a friend of Cal Tort (your friendly neighborhood Mexican restaurant), you’ll get 1 free pavilion ticket with every ticket you purchase. Plus, you’ll be entered to win passes to an exclusive sound check party. (If you win, please let me know what happens at a sound check party. I’m very curious.)

To purchase tickets, click here and input the promo code “caltort.” Have fun…

AND FINALLY…

We need your help! Please tell us which of the t-shirt designs below you like. I won’t go into any detail, but if I were you I’d take this assignment very seriously–you may be wearing one of them sometime in the very near future. She says cryptically.

Just click here and tell us which design you like. It will take 2 seconds. I promise(All designs will be on the back of the shirt. Except for #5 which will be have the Caltort logo on the front and the black and white design on the back.)

WE WON!

It’s true–for a second year in a row, California Tortilla has been voted “Best Burrito” by Washingtonian Magazine. Isn’t that exciting? That means I get to wear my tiara again to the “Best Of” gala. And as you know, I love wearing my tiara. It sets me apart from the normal people. (Because I need so much help with that.)

So to thank you all for taking the time to go online and vote for us, you darn loyal customers you…

TUESDAYS IN JULY JUST GOT SPUNKIER!

That’s right–to thank you for voting us “Best Burrito,” every Tuesday in July we’re giving you double Burrito Elito points on all your purchases.* And if I were a smarter person I’d make a clever play on the whole “two” theme (two wins, twice the points, TWOsdays). But since I’m not, I won’t. But when we first came up with this promotion, I think that was where we were going with it. (Note to self: Listen in meetings.)

We really do appreciate that you took the time to vote for us and hope that you’ll take advantage of double point Tuesdays in July–you deserve it. (The people who didn’t vote for us will be riding on your coattails. How do you feel about that?)

Thanks again!

*Say it with me: Except for catering, gift card and pony purchases.

WHAT’S BEHIND THAT VOTE

While I know that you voted for us because you really do think that we have the best burritos with the freshest ingredients around, I think that much more went into your decision than you realize. (Do you like how I’m saying that you’re not that smart either?)

So with that said, here are just a few of the hidden reasons that I think you voted for us:

• On the second day we were open we put up a sign that said, “Over a Billion Burritos Sold!” (I liked that nobody questioned it. How busy did they think we were that first day?)

• In the past year alone we’ve given out $1,505,499.97 in Burrito Bucks. (I have no idea why it’s not a round number, given that we give them out in $5 increments. Apparently we owe someone 3 cents.)

• You secretly like that we make you whisper passwords like “shloopy baroopy” to the spunky cashier, even though you pretend to be annoyed. She says hopefully.

• Once, in response to a competitor’s window sign that said, “WE HAVE COD!,” we put up a sign that said, “WE DON’T HAVE COD!” (Seriously, when did cod become a selling point?)

• We steal good ideas better than anyone on the planet. Do you think the Monday Night Wheel was our idea? Nope. How about the Crunchy BBQ Ranch Burrito? Nope. The cod sign? Yep. (There are surprisingly few good cod signs to copy out there.)

• We can place a “Free Burritos For a Year” coupon in a Pop Tart pouch with surgical precision. Take that Chipotle.

• We periodically put up a sign that says “Under Same Management!”

So there you have it. Which are you more amazed at–my ability to decipher the interworkings of your brain or how much money we spend on signs just to amuse ourselves?

YOU’VE GOT THE BEAT. Hopefully.

While many of you might not know this, for the past 15 years local bands have been playing to enthusiastic crowds on various Cal Tort patios across the land. (Which we found was much more successful than our Doggie Yappy Hours. Those dogs could not sing.)

And because we love our local bands, Cal Tort is proud to announce that we’re sponsoring WHFS’s “The California Tortilla Battle to Break Out.” The winner gets to open at the HFStival on September 18th. Plus, the Top 20 bands get a Cal Tort swag bag (I love our swag) and the opportunity to play at one of our stores. And if that’s not enough, all musicians get a free burrito just for entering.

If you’re an unsigned local band and you’re interested in competing (Do it! Do it!), click here. Good luck.

On that note, have a safe and happy 4th. Heck–go crazy and be safe all month.

AND NOW A WORD FROM STACEY KANE…

Our lovely Director of Marketing:

Hi — I’m Stacey. Are you a fan of companies like Zappos and Dell? Want to learn how they built their brands? Attend the “How to be a Word of Mouth Marketing Supergenius Conference” in NY on July 20th. I’ll be there and I’ll be talking about how fabulous you guys are!

If you’d like to attend, you can get $100 off by using code Staceyismyhero. (You can also donate your discount to the conference’s charity: http://mycharitywater.org/wom. $20 will provide water for 1 person for 20 years.) Click here for tickets.

Plus we will have 1 free pass to give away. To enter just E-mail skane@caltort.com your Name, Occupation, Favorite Character on Glee or 24, favorite Word of Mouth Marketing campaign ever and why we should pick you. Deadline is July 5th

Also, please make sure to join us at the swanky “Best Of” Party, July 21st at the National Building Museum. Caltort customers get $10 off with code “taco1.” Click here for tickets. All profits from the event go to the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society.

I hope to see you soon!

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Cal Tort By the Numbers

Because I know you all need my help socially (because clearly I’m so normal), I’ve compiled a list of exciting Cal Tort facts and figures to dazzle your guests with at your next party. Ready?

22,378: Number of free chips and darn tasty guac samples we gave out in May. 

56: Number of people reading this who want to know what darn tasty quack is.

300,000: Approximate number of Cal Tort customers over the years who’ve gotten a free treat when they whispered a secret password to the spunky cashier.

150,000: Approximate number of customers who’ve said the secret password with enthusiasm–all of them women. (Would it kill you men to pretend you’re excited about something? Is that too much to ask?)

 475: Number of chili pepper decals I bought to put on my car.

0: Number of chili pepper decals that are actually on my car. (I thought better of the chili pepper plan when I remembered that I wasn’t insane.)

11,000: Number of comments we received in 2009.

10,996: Number of those comments that were about bringing back the Bacon Chicken Club Burrito. (You’d think we would’ve hopped to on that, wouldn’t you?)

414: Tons of tomatoes we used last year. That’s almost a million pounds of tomatoes. That’s crazy talk.

580: Tons of cheese we used last year. Now that makes perfect sense to me.

So there you have it, folks–use this list at your own peril. Good luck.

Cal Tort Road

Compliments of the spunky and talented Beth who spent $25 on food to get a free $6 burrito. http://www.bethhowephotography.com/.

YOU’RE GOING TO LOVE THIS

Because we really, really want you to try our new darn fresh and darn fabulous menu, starting today, we’re giving you $1 off a different new menu item every week in June. Check it out:

June 1 – 6: Carnitas Verde. Pork carnitas, rice, Monterey Jack cheese, sour cream, Tomatillo Enchilada sauce, crispy tortilla strips and salsa all wrapped in a flour tortilla.

June 7 – 13: Enchilada Bowl. Choice of mesquite chicken, grilled steak or pork carnitas served over rice with Monterey Jack cheese, sour cream, guac (quack), cilantro, Enchilada sauce, tortilla strips, lettuce and salsa. In a bowl. (Please don’t eat the bowl.)

June 14 – 20: Any Nachos. It’s a lot of cheese and a lot of chips with a lot of good stuff on top. Need I say more?

June 21 – 27: Any Taco Combo. Two tacos, a soda and chips and queso. (Chips and salsa or rice and beans upon request.) So stop on by — we can’t wait to show off these menu items. (And while we’re at it, I’d like to put a plug in here for another burrito that gets overshadowed by its burrito counterparts: The Havana Chicken Burrito. I LOVE this burrito. It’s lowfat, kind of sweet, kind of citrus-y, slightly spicy. It’s a taste sensation I tell you. When’s the last time you’ve had a taste sensation? See. My point exactly.)

*Don’t forget–you can always substitute veggies for meat. We have the technology.

AND FINALLY…

Do you have a burning Cal Tort question you need answered immediately? (All questions need to be answered immediately, don’t they? We’re very, very busy people and we need our information NOW.) Just follow us on Twitter and Facebook—we have people standing by waiting to answer your most pressing questions the instant you write them, possibly sooner. Go!

Follow us on Twitter @caltort and be our Fan on Facebook www.facebook.com/caltort

WOW WOW WEDNESDAYS!

As you all know, we’ve got a brand new menu and because we’re so excited/braggy about it, we want to show it off. And what better way than bribing you to try it? Just look at all the ways you can get free food from us on Wednesdays in May:

 
THIS Wednesday, May 5th (It’s Cinco de Mayo so you have to come. It’s the law.) When you make any purchase and say the secret password “Nachos,” you get a coupon for a FREE plain nachos (one of our fabulous new menu items) with any other purchase on your next visit.

Wednesday, May 12th: We’ll be spunkily giving out free samples of the world’s freshest salsa (ours?whose did you think?) and when you take a sample you get a coupon for a FREE Chips and Salsa on your next visit.

Wednesday, May 19th: Try a sample of our new, unbelievably delicious guacamole and we’ll give you a coupon for a FREE Chips and Guac on your next visit. It’s so good it makes me cry. (The guac, not the coupon.)

Wednesday, May 26th: Try a sample of our perfectly marinated chicken breasts or our 100% USDA Sirloin Steak and we’ll give you a coupon for FREE Double Meat on your next visit.
Do you get the feeling we want you to try our food? All of these coupons are good for 6 days after they?re issued, so make sure you use them right away. If all goes as planned, we?ll see you 8 times in May. Yee-ha! (Pretend that you want to spend that much time with us.)
Click here to check out our new menu, you spunky little sampler, you.

GOOD NEWS!

 In the past we’ve identified certain medical conditions that can occur from eating at California Tortilla, but we’ve never had a definitive answer on how to overcome those conditions. Until now.

 After extensive research and many complicated lab experiments (much of it involving your DNA) we have solutions for even the toughest problems. Ready?

Traumatic Table Turmoil: This is the feeling of utter despair you get when you’re in line and you realize that the one open table you’ve had your eye on has been taken.

Solution: Sit on the offending party’s laps. This is guaranteed to make them move–or call the police. Either way they’ll get up.

Obsessive Compulsive Brownie Behavior: This is when you feel you must go through each and every brownie several times over, trying to decide which one is the best.

Solution: Before purchasing a brownie, take a bite out of each one.

Ticket Out of Order Panic Disorder: This is the panicky feeling you get when a ticket number higher than yours is called and you’re sure that since we’ve gone past your number we’ll refuse to make your order, even though we’ve taken your money.

Solution: Flail your arms wildly so as to bring attention to yourself. A manager, who is trained to spot this secret cue, will then come over and explain to you that since you ordered a quesadilla they sometimes take a little longer than orders taken after yours that don’t have quesadillas.

Legumeaphobia: This is the irrational fear that instead of pushing the “no beans” button, the diabolical spunky cashier will push a button that says, “Make with extra beans and make sure they’re really mushy.”

Solution: Unfortunately, you’ll just have to live with this fear for the rest of your life. Welcome to my world.

Other Restaurant Panic Attack: This is the sheer terror that you feel when you’re eating out at another restaurant and you look up and see a spunky Cal Tort employee staring at you through the window. (Because that’s so polite.)

Solution: Never, ever eat at any place but California Tortilla.

So there you have it, folks–solutions for medical conditions that you never even knew existed. How handy is that?

HAPPY…

Mother’s Day, fellow mothers! Put down the 43,000 things in your hands (seriously, how many things can one person be expected to hold?) and give yourself a high-five.

AND FINALLY…

Did you know that California Tortilla is on Facebook? Not only do we post secret promotions, contests and fun facts just for our Facebook users, but now we have a new application built by our pals at Proven Commerce (we have brunch with them every Sunday). This new feature allows you to send virtual food items to all of your Facebook pals. Plus we’ll give out rewards from time to time to people who send out lots of food (hint hint). So the next time you don’t have anything to do at work, send Grandma a California Screamin’ Burrito–she’ll love it.

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